For love, with love, from love.

I still remember very clearly everything that you told me last night. Those words made me realize my mistakes. At some point I almost cried because I felt that you really love me with everything that you have, but before that I wanted to cry because it hurts. I just kept telling myself to not cry..

I cry like a baby when we fight. Only when we fight. It's so difficult to not cry. You always say things that hurt the most, things that I will remember for a long, long, time. I cry because it hurts so bad and because I care for you more than anything else in the world. I know that sometimes I can be a really bad girlfriend but I really am trying my best.

When you told me, "Whenever I see you, my heart softens." I could feel that you meant it. And yes, no matter what we fight about and how serious that issue might be, once I see you.. Everything changes. It is always because of the way you fake a sad look and then run forward to hug me. It never fails to make every ounce of anger/disappointment/fear/insecurity in me disappear.

Most of the time it's super duper cute when you behave like a kid, other times it is SO annoying! But I love you anyway. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I have never loved anyone like I love you. I never knew I can love like that. I never knew how a total stranger, ten months back, can mean so much to me now.

People say, "Love will find you when you stop looking." It is true. I know because love found me when I completely gave up. Right now, I have the best and the only person for me. People may think that I am bold for saying something like that when we've only been together for slightly more than eight months but every passing day shows me that this is it, you are the one and there is no one else better for me.

The rest of my life has begun 254 days ago..
And it began with you. Without a doubt.

People that make me smile.

So thankful I got to see them live in Singapore.

November Rain.

I've got to say, I never expected November to pass by that quickly. Just 5 more days and we'll be in the final month of 2011! Am I excited? Yes. Am I worried? No. Of course, 2011 for me was shitty for the most part.. But only because of the stupid decisions that I've made. I've made a few great decisions too though...

Ahhh.. Well, update update!

This year's birthday was.. I don't know. No words can describe how happy and loved I felt. No. Words. J told me he was going to end work at 10pm and he wanted me to go pick him up. I thought he was going to bring me somewhere and have supper or something but never (ever, not a bit) did I expect him having prepared a surprise birthday celebration. He told me to go over at 9pm, he said he could go off early because it was my birthday. (Ya, right!) I actually believed him...! So I called him after I reached and he told me to just come into the restaurant.

The service staff led me in like they were expecting me and then I knew he prepared something for me. I was, honestly, really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. J was standing by the door of the room with roses. He was jumping up and down, he seemed more nervous than me! When I saw what was in the room, the only thing I kept telling myself is, "You CANNOT cry now because there are a lot of people watching!!!!"

So what was in the room that almost made me burst into tears? Lots of balloons. Balloons with birthday wishes from every staff at his work place that day. Service staff, kitchen staff, manager and even the washing staff. There were about 30 balloons in 4 different languages, English, Chinese, Malay and Japanese. He said if he had more time, he would've asked the customers to write me something too. It was so difficult to hold my tears back. I just hugged him really tightly because I knew that if I were to say anything I would just burst out crying like a baby.

He also gave this to me and I immediately said, "做么会写错字的?" then he laughed and said, "Oi, 不用讲出来的 right?!" I still smile a lot to myself whenever I see this photo.

He told me he chose an apple-shaped cake because I like apple. (Not the fruit, the other apple.) Was the thought cute? Extremely. :)

I say nasty things when I'm mad but I never meant any of it.

And there really is no one else I'd rather be with.

Frustrated, really frustrated.

I'm angry but I can't show it.
I'm upset but I can't show it.
I'm fucking frustrated but I can't fucking show it.
Fuck. It.

Through the good and the bad and the ugly.

Yes, it was amazing. Yes, they will always be one of my favourite bands. Yes, I know they'll be back next year. Yes, I seriously hope it's not Launch group that'll bring them back. Yes, it was still one of the best nights of my life despite all the chaos that happened during TDR's set.

... And yes, I must be insane if I ever let you go.

It's October! I suck at blogging.

I intended to blog everyday but I guess I got distracted. I don't know what got me distracted though, since I have so much time on my hands. I.. Don't have any excuses. I'm not going to give blogging up. I want to write the things that I want to remember down.

So...

October was off to a really rough start but I'm sure it's only going to get better. I would be away for two days, I'm going to be in Malaysia for my cousin's wedding. It's going to be fun, I hope. I have yet to pack and I always to pack too much. Sigh.

On the other hand, I'm really, really, excited for All Time Low's show in Singapore on the 6th of October. REALLY, REAAAAAAALLY excited! I'm probably going to cry for the most part of the show though. I've been hearing/seeing people say/tweet about how awesome All Time Low is when they play live. I can't help it, I'm a total fangirl when it comes to the bands I love. My boyfriend thinks that I love All Time Low more than him... No, I don't, baby. I love you more.

We're at the final quarter of 2011. It is probably going to be my favourite quarter of the year because the most part of 2011 actually sucked. So much has happened, so much has changed. It was pretty tough and I miss my friends. I don't really know but.. I think I'm still running around in circles. But in 5 years, I swear I'll be where I want to be. I'll be so much happier than I already am. I'll be leading the life I've always wanted to, with all the people that I really love. It'll get better. :)

Distance can get pretty scary some times.

To see each other for only six hours a week..We wouldn't last for more than a month like that.
I'm sure. Dead sure.

Soft.

Here's some pretty powerful lyrics.

 
Life does get better.Don't give up, never give up.

Reality > Dreams

'Cause on the list of everything I need,
There's air but first there's you and me.

If I had to walk the earth a thousand times,
I'd do it 'cause I love you.

And I'd be grateful, for this one chance, for our first dance.
And you are, you are, you are, you are, you are the one.

Xx.

The kind of feelings we sing about.

When you're all that I think about,
All that I dream about.
How'd I ever breathe without.

Xx.